Default to No

Default to No is the first step to quitting a habit or something that could become a habit.

Just like my last post, Default to Yes, Default to No seems simple. Nancy Reagan proposed that when you’re approached with drugs, you just say no. It makes perfect sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I use the term default in the same way they do with computers. According to Webster, to default is “to make a selection automatically in the absence of a choice made by the user.” I mean the same thing. When you default to no, you don’t make a choice; you just do it. Soon, it becomes second nature. Defaulting to no removes any bargaining you might otherwise make, such as “Just one Drink,” or “It’s a small cookie.”

The first step to defaulting to no is choosing what is important to you—what you want to stop doing. Start with only one or a few. In the Six Rules book, I discuss the risks of drinking alcohol. If you’re a habitual alcohol drinker, I strongly recommend you stop drinking. Make this your first default to no habit. At a minimum, do it for a month and see how you feel. Virtually everyone feels better after abstaining from alcohol for one month, and no one wakes up in the morning regretting that they didn’t drink the night before.. If you have several things you want to eliminate, quit drinking alcohol first, since alcohol makes it more difficult to quit anything else. When someone offers you a drink, don’t think about it. “No,” or “no, thanks.” (Once a friend knows that you don’t want to drink alcohol, I hope they don’t ask you if you want one. If they do, I see no reason to thank them.) Do it every time, and soon, you are a nondrinker. You will feel better and likely live longer. There will be hard days, but if you default to no and never override the default, soon, you won’t think about it.

If you have no issues with alcohol, choose the most important habit that you want to break. If you smoke, that would be the habit I would work on. No habit kills more people than tobacco. Mind-altering chemicals would be just above or just behind smoking, in my opinion. Since what distinguishes us from lesser animals is our mind, it would be a shame to damage it. That is not to mention the medical harms of most drugs, even cannabis. If you don’t smoke or do drugs, work on processed food and sugar. Default to no. If you have no unhealthy habits, be more productive by avoiding social media and mindless web surfing. If you have no undesirable habits, you’re better than almost everyone else in this world, and just keep doing what you’re doing.

If you’ve read my book, The Three Rules to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever, then you know I am all or none. I never significantly break a rule, and it’s second nature after many years on the plan. But, in the beginning, I had to have a default. I avoided even looking at the dessert menu. I said “No,” and I tried not to think about it. Now it is simple, and I can read dessert and drink menus without much risk of losing my resolve.

I haven’t had alcohol in more than eight years, and I still use the default, because in certain circumstances, I am tempted. If anyone asks if I want a drink, I say, “No, thanks.” There is no need to explain. In fact, as Benjamin Disraeli said, “Never complain. Never explain.” If you explain your actions too much, it invites questioning and negotiation. Your friend offering a dessert may tell you that it’s low-calorie, or one won’t hurt you, or a million other excuses people use when they eat things they wouldn’t otherwise eat. Many alcohol abusers have relapsed after having just one drink. So, it is best to say no, or “No, thanks,” and leave it at that.

Another habit where the default helps is having multiple servings at a meal, or eating repeatedly from a bag of snacks. I call this “eating from the trough.” If you have a weight problem, it is best handled by always saying no. Never have seconds. You can’t be that hungry that you must have a second serving of cheesecake. Another helpful tool to avoid seconds is to do it preemptively. Serve everyone at the table and put any remaining food into the fridge, or even better, the garbage. Similarly, if you want to give up alcohol, dump it all down the sink. Then you’re not even tempted by alcohol or seconds because it is gone.

Quitting habits and making new, healthy ones are difficult. Most people never do it. Use every tool at your disposal to accomplish your goals. Define the most important habit you want to break. Start saying no every time the temptation arises. Don’t allow yourself to think about it. Don’t bargain with yourself or let anyone else bargain either. Default to no, and you are much more likely to succeed.