The Best Book on Perspective and Stress.

Harold — Thu, 05 Jun 2025 16:08:18 +0000

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff is the best book on perspective and stress.

Those who know me may think I am the last person who should write a blog post on perspective and stress. I am known to obsess on the price of coffee at McDonald’s vs. Starbucks. (I highly recommend McDonald’s. If you use the app, any size coffee is usually $0.99, and I think it’s better than Starbucks.) My nephew says if you don’t use the app when you’re at McDonald’s, “you’re an idiot.” He likes to yell it as if it were the worst crime a person could commit. I wouldn’t go as far as he does, but $0.79 off every cup of coffee is pretty good. I don’t buy junk food at McDonald’s, but the app shows they have tremendous deals on those items.

Back to the best book on perspective and stress. I have tried many things over the years to relax and have a better perspective. Stoicism, as presented by Ryan Holiday, especially in The Obstacle Is the Way, has helped me more than anything, and I mention Holiday in my books. (Read about my books here.) However, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson, is a very easy read and covers many concepts of stoicism. I’ve read it at least seven times and talk about it in The Three Rules to Lose Weight. If you have one book on perspective and stress, I hope it is Don’t Sweat. If you have room for a second book, get The Obstacle is the Way. These books may change your life.

Don’t Sweat has 100 lessons, each being a page or two. The lessons are simple, and not every one will apply to your life or situation, though most will. Don’t let the subtitle, “And It’s All Small Stuff,” bother you. Certainly, there could be something truly catastrophic in your life. If that is the case, this book may help you, but nothing will adequately salve the pain you’re experiencing. Thankfully, the stuff in most of our lives is small. Thirty years in medicine taught me that almost everyone has the same issues—finance, family, job, a boss, a significant other, kids’ behavior, etc.

Each lesson in the book is short and simple to understand. The first lesson is the title. We too often turn a small event into a big deal. Carlson uses the example of a driver cutting you off in traffic. It can be scary, but if no accident occurred, there is no benefit to getting worked up, retelling the story to everyone you know, and being in a foul mood the rest of the day. It’s a conscious decision to keep rehashing the story in your head and telling it to others. You are granting the other driver magical powers to ruin your day. The second lesson, which is the one I mention in The Three Rules to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever, is “Make Peace With Imperfection.” None of us is perfect. None of our homes or cars is perfect. Learn to live with it. Several months ago, we found a narrow crack in the ceiling. I obsessed on it, letting my mind “snowball,” which is a concept in Don’t Sweat. I imagined scenarios where we would lose tens of thousands of dollars. Maybe the ceiling would fall apart, ruining the house. As you can guess, I couldn’t even find the crack a short time later. If I had accepted the ceiling’s imperfection immediately, I would have had far less anxiety over the next several weeks.

“Will This Matter in a Year” has helped me repeatedly. I was in Iowa with my wife. It was 4:30 a.m., and I was in the hotel’s cafe. The coffee was too hot, so I had the lid off. I had the book open to that chapter when I knocked the coffee over, spilling a metric ton of it onto the open laptop. I felt all kinds of stress and was ready to scream. I saw the chapter’s title, and in a few minutes, I was relaxed.

Most of the lessons are helpful. I strongly recommend you get the book and read it, unless you already have no stress and an ideal perspective. Get the hardcover so it will last forever. I read it at least once a year, one short chapter daily. I’ve never met anyone who read it and didn’t learn something valuable.

Richard Carlson died young from a pulmonary embolism while on an airplane, proving conclusively that the length of one’s life is not the most important thing about them. His wife, Kristine, has written several books and manages a website, https://dontsweat.com. I haven’t read any of her books because they are geared more to women, but I would be shocked if they are not helpful.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

You Are What You Do

Harold — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 10:54:25 +0000

You are what you do

One of my favorite scenes in Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger was with Kuato, the weird creature growing out of some guy’s abdomen. Kuato said to Arnold’s character, “You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory.” I was only 21, and I thought that the writer of the movie first wrote that line. Now, I know that many philosophers and writers said it. Aristotle said that you are what you repeatedly do. But that is not what Kuato meant. He meant that what you do now is what defines you.

Carl Jung said, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” That is my favorite non-movie interpretation of the sentiment. Ryan Holiday, the modern-day philosopher who changed my life, says it many times in many ways, and I learn something every time I read it. But I still prefer what Kuato said.

You are what you do. You make errors and recover by acting today. Starting now, you can be a good person. You can stuff your face on Thanksgiving and eat healthy the next day. In medical school, when someone said they had quit drinking, we asked when. If they said, “Today,” we scoffed, thinking they were joking. We thought it was funny or that they didn’t mean it. Yet, that is all it takes. Do it today. Start now. Be a good person now.

You are what you do also means that promises don’t mean anything unless they are kept. You can say you care about something, but if you don’t make the effort or pay the price for it, then you don’t care enough. I can say I care about my son, but if I don’t make an effort to be with him and support him, then I don’t care enough. Patients say they care more about their health than anything else, but they don’t quit smoking, drinking, or eating junk food. They won’t pay for a medication or procedure that can help them, but they go on an expensive vacation.

You are what you do. If you visit friends and treat them well, you are a good friend. If you don’t, then you aren’t a good friend. If you exercise, eat well, and avoid alcohol and smoking, then you are a person who cares about your health. Saying you care about your health is nothing. Do something about it. I have been an unhealthy person. For years, I didn’t exercise, and I ate fast food several days a week. That is what I did, not what I do. Now, I eat healthy, I exercise, and I avoid drinking and smoking. I am a healthy person.

You may not be able to entirely recover from your past unhealthy habits. But you can be healthy now. You may not be forgiven for everything you have done wrong, but you can be a good person now. Ryan Holiday quotes Marcus Aurelius. “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

Words are nothing. You are what you do.

Stoicism – HaroldOster

The Best Book on Perspective and Stress.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff is the best book on perspective and stress.

You Are What You Do

You are what you do